Should I go to college or go to Japan or... I don't know?

Question:

I just don't know what to do...I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place.
It's probably going to be a very long post, so I hope you can bear with me... I really need some help, some insight, just anything...

First, I guess a bit about me-- Well I'm a high school senior and I'll be graduating in May of 2012. I got a pretty sucky GPA due to all my fooling around in my freshman and sophomore year. It's 2.49, but if I get all Bs or As, it might go up to a 2.7 (if I'm lucky) I never thought much of life after high school since my parents just wanted me to be a nurse and live with them (and I guess caring for them the rest of my life) But I always had one endearing passion---speaking Japanese, I strive to become very fluent in it. It's something close to me, that goes back as far as when I was a child---I'm not of asian descent in the very least, so I guess you could say it's kind of defined a part of me. I never thought of what I would do with fluent japanese, and I never thought of how to attain it ( it's pretty hard to learn the language without teacher in the beginning or actually having native speakers of the language close by to interact with) Only recently, maybe for a year or two, have I thought seriously about living abroad in Japan. In my junior year, I was planning to apply to ICU or International Christian University in Mitaka, Tokyo to go to college. I got in contact with the school, with alumni, and researched the hell out of everything. During that year, I hit a major roadblock, depression... I guess I suffered with it for quite some time, even before I started studying the Japanese language. I don't want to classify myself to having something so... so... debilitating. But, yeah...that year, I stop going to school for about a month, I stayed in my room, slept most of the time. I saw two psychologists just to try it out but quickly ended the sessions. I still studied Japanese on my own, memorizing kanji and sentence structure but everything else outside of my room, outside of learning japanese, outside of this moment--tired me.I just felt empty. About after a month past, the school threatened to un-enroll me due to the number of days absences. I go back to school, trying hard to catch up, ignoring other annoyances. I pass all my classes with low grades except for math, therefore dashing any hope I had for making a 3.0 GPA and even being consider to go to ICU or any other colleges for that matter.

I thought about giving up, this weird, stupid, dream of mine's...of learning Japanese, of becoming fluent, and maybe just maybe living there--- sure I heard the struggles people faced who suceeded in making it to Japan. Always feeling like an outsider "gaijin" stuff, missing family, fake friends, among other stuff etc. But many people persevered
and ended up loving and hating all the good and bad things Japan as well as any foreign country has to offer. I felt as if I could persevere and try to understand more about this country. Even the mere thought of giving up is enough to break me and make me want to cry. I...at least want to try...whether I hate it or love it....whether it's right for me or not....I want to at least try to reach a bit closer to this dream of mine's.

So I'm again planning---right now I'm thinking of enrolling into a language school for a year or two (based on how much I've save in my senior year and a half) so basically a gap year to see if Japan is right for me, if I do like I'll probably try to go to a university in the city near the language school and try my best! If not, at least I have the option of coming back home to study at a regular college or just be a nurse like my parents wanted :( My heart is set on this option right now and while I'm still open to ideas, I feel this is the best for me.
I'm just worried what will I major in, what will I work as, is there some work off limits for "gaijin"?----Any one who lived or is living in Japan, your advice would be much appreciated !
My parents as well as counselors recommend that I just study in america, get my degree and go there for grad school or just study abroad. But I'm pretty broke (hence I'm working now for about year and half to get some saving for my gap year) My parents have NO money to lend me other than for monthly stuff if I asked... I don't want to waste me and my parents' money and time on something I have no interest or real comprehension in. Plus any good college with a decent to very strong language program(basically a major and study abroad program) is either very expensive or high-classed---meaning there's no 2.4s walking in there anytime soon :(

I'm just sooo confused, I don't know where and if I should submit this.
I really wish I had someone to ask face-to-face but I don't....so please
any comments, answers, just anything that can help make this decis

Answer:

I moved to Japan in January 2010, I am originally from England. When I first moved it was tough because I had to get used to the culture and I didn't know Japanese very well but I have improved a lot more since I have been here. It was my dream to be here and it took a long time to accomplish.
I got married in Japan and have a baby.
The easiest jobs to get in Japan are teaching students English privately or becoming English teacher unless your Japanese is really good then you can get other kinds of jobs here.
Do not worry about the 'gaijin' thing, I get looked at sometimes but my husband tells me it's because they are interested in me because I speak English. But in big cities like Tokyo, you rarely ever get looked at and there are lots of other foreign people there. It happens more in little towns or villages. But people are very polite and friendly, I haven't met a bad Japanese person ever, as long as you are polite and friendly back. =)
And also, never give up your dream, if it's something that you really truly want to do then go for it. That's what I did and now I am more happy than I have ever been. I was scared as well because I had never been to Japan and I had never been in a plane.
Don't let people or fear stop you from doing what you want! Sorry my message is so long.