Is there any specific rules to dating in Japan?

Question:

I'm really interested in this guy who is Japanese. His family is very strict when it comes to tradition. Last year, when I went to Japan for the first time with my uncle, I met him and his family. He speaks perfect English as well as Japanese but his mother doesn't know a word of English and his father only knows a few things. There's mutual love between us but his parents don't want us to meet because we are to "culturally distant". I'm already learning some Japanese and I'm trying to get as much informed on the culture as I can. So...is there any specific rules to dating in Japan? I have a friend who has lived in Japan for 6 years now and started High School there. She says most girls don't even look at their boyfriend when they pass by each other in the hallway or vice versa. They don't kiss, hold hands or even hug. Also, when they go out to eat, they split the bill.

Answer:

All of the details of this go well beyond the scope of YA. And while there are some customs, you must also realize that everyone is different and not all people follow the same rules just because they're from a certain part of the world.

In the US, some don't have sex before marriage. Others do. Some people live together but never get married. Others marry first. Some split the bill, some pay for everything.

The same thing goes for Japan. Sure, there are some common social "norms" or "expectations", but there are no hard and fast rules that every single person abides by.

Dating in Japan typically doesn't begin before college. In high school, like the example you provide that is pretty common. Members of the opposite sex will study, or hang out, but there is very seldom any intimacy.

Now consider this; most people that want advice with regard to culture when dating outside of their race/culture is for the purpose of meeting or impressing people. If you are already in a relationship, it seems rather non-sequitur to ask for insight after the fact.

You have to be yourself in all of it. It's up to him to bring to you or participate in the relationship in a way that is comfortable to him. If that's the way he wants to do things, then it's his responsibility to make that happen, at which point you can either decide to go along with it, or not.

Also understand, for a lot of parents they're nervous about their children being in interracial relationships. It doesn't necessarily mean they are racist or think less of other races. They may worry about the social implications and difficulty their child will experience at the hand of others. They may be largely ignorant about the culture of the partner which may lead to fears that it could lead away from goals they've set forth for their child. It's complicated.

In short; be yourself. If there is some "method" by which he wants to do the dating, let him be the one to institute that, and if it's something you're ok with, then you can agree to it.

Bear in mind also that the relationship is with him and not his parents. If his parents are opposed, there is not much you can do about that.
I was with a Chinese girl for 3 years (I'm white). Her parents absolutely hated my guts, and I was never anything but cordial and polite with them, even when they were downright rude to me. But for our time together it worked out, because our relationship was with each other, and not based upon how well I got along with her parents. His parents are his problem.