Can Japanese Expert help me out on Japanese Translation for a few sentences?

Question:

Can Japanese Expert help me out on the following Japanese Translation and see if I got them right?


Macau Online Tickets – Password Created
マカウのオンライン切符-作成されるパスワード

Macau Online Tickets - Request for Password
マカウのオンライン切符-パスワードのための要求

Dear Customer,
親愛なる顧客,

You have recently purchased tickets for a show, activity or event in Macau through ABC, City of Dreams or an Authorized Travel Agent. We have created a user account and password for you which can be used for your next show booking at ABC or City of Dreams.
ABC によって最近マカウ、夢または承認された旅行代理店の都市のショー、活動またはでき事… ABC か都市であなたの次のショーの予約にあなたのためのユーザ・アカウントそしてパスワー…

Your password is XXXXXXXX.
パスワードはある XXXXXXXX.

Kind Regards
親切な点

Customer Service
カスタマーサービス

Answer:

first line password created meaning preterit so it needs to be 作成されたパスワード
and also 切符is more used for train tickets so just say チケット
also I would use 製作instead of 作成 but thats just a personal opinion.
and again use チケット

second line のためis not needed but again just a personal opinion

third line just say お客様へ、

forth one ur going all over the place so just say
あなたは、近日マカウでのショウ、活動、またはイベントのチケットをABC、シティ…

fifth line
あなたのパスワードはXXXXXXXX。

sixth line is correct

I'm guessing u used a translator (at least it sounds like it) so the sentence isn't all right(it sounds weird)
Also the sentence is semi formal not completely formal nor is it the actual formal(that no one uses or teach even in Japan...unless ur like majoring in it)

I made the sentence so that it sounds like it came from one of those automated messages big corporations send people.