Question:
Ok so, In my middle school (I'm in 8th grade) we have a sister school in Japan.
This year there is going to be a trip there! A sort - of, mini student exchange program.
Were gonna be touring around, and going to school for like a week in Japan~
I want to go REALLY badly, but the thing is, there's only FIVE girls going.
This is me against 8th and 7th grade,
so I need to write the best essay :U
So, PLEASE! Help me make revisions and corrections? D':
Japan
My biggest dream has always been to be able to go to Japan. It has been since before I can even remember.¬¬¬¬¬ Being overseas – even if only for a week, has always seemed really exciting to me, and there’s no place I want to go to more than Japan.
I have tried doing many things related to Japan before. I wished to take Japanese; however, my parents wouldn’t allow me to take Japanese at Whitman. But suddenly a week and a half through the year, my parents allowed me. But by that time, the students had gotten too far into the school year to let me to transfer in. There was also a possibility of stopping by Japan on a possible trip to China, but it isn’t happening. This will most likely be my one and only chance of going to the country I’ve always dreamed of.
I am vastly interested in Japan’s unique culture. Going to Japan would enable me to learn more. There is a whole world beyond America, and I want to see it! For one thing, the country has simply wonderful, tasty, healthy food. Not only sushi but foods like Ramen and rice! I have had instant ramen, but I’ve always desired to taste real ramen! Instead of the immensely popular pop and rock music here in America, I have always preferred to listen to Japanese tunes on my iPod. I am also particularly interested in anime and manga. Japan would be paradise for one who loves their unique style of animation and comics. The language is also something I’ve always wanted to learn, as I’ve mentioned before, and by staying in Japan for a week I am sure I will be able to pick up a lot of phrases. Sure, there are stereotypes about Japan in America, but I want to see what life in Japan is really like! I want to experience school, I want to experience conversations, and I want to experience everything! I’ve guessed that Japanese history must be very different that American. It would be a great opportunity to see Japan’s perspective on wars and political events. Japan is a very important country in political terms. If I were ever interested in a political career, Japan would be one of the sure places to visit. Besides politics, Japan is also very advanced with electronics; it may as well be the country of technology! As well as technology, Japan is also truly beautiful. With mountains full of greenery and shrined dedicated to gods. Getting a taste of Japan’s past would be stunning. All of this is something I need to experience in person.
If I go to Japan, things probably would not be as tough for me than other people. I already know many basic polite phrases in Japanese, like hello, good afternoon, how are you, thank you, sorry, etc.! To make things easier, instead of Japanese, I have been taking Chinese since 7th grade. Japanese is related to and was based off of Chinese, and as many should know, Japan’s kanji is actually Chinese characters! So I could probably do some basic writing. I also have some basic knowledge of what it is like for exchange students in Japan, since I have read and watched FAQs on the internet.
I would be more than honored if you allowed me to be an ambassador in Japan. I am in advanced English, so when the Japanese students come here to Washington D.C., I would be more than happy to help out with their English. I would gladly show them around, and demonstrate aspects of our daily lives. I would be extremely friendly to them, making sure they feel comfortable here in America. I would do anything to help. In the summer, once again I would be delighted to exhibit our American culture.
I think this trip would be an especially excellent opportunity to honor diversity among our world. We are all people, and I would love to learn specifically about Japan’s people. This trip is the experience of a lifetime. It could change my life. If I could attend this trip, it would honestly mean the world to me.
Answer:
Yeah like Mark S said cut the part about the origins of Japanese Kanji script, among the Japanese people i know its a very taboo subject (I dont fully understand why but it is, so avoid mentioning it).
Try not to talk yourself up too much, "things probably would not be as tough for me than other people"
two things on this,
1. it should be written "If I go to Japan, things will not be as tough for me as they would be for other people" also it helps if you define what you mean by "Things"
2. It's best not to boast, you can say stuff like "I would be suited for this because of such and such a skill", but dont directly compare yourself to other people.
Theres also a whole host of grammatical mistakes and several sentences that make no sense
"All of this is something I need to experience in person." should be something along the lines of "The opportunities i will recieve from this experience are opportunities i wouldn't otherwise get to have and this is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity for me"
Get someone to read over it (an english teacher or someone) and they will help you fix most of the issues in your writing and help you express your feelings better.
I hope you win, im waiting to hear back from an exchange student program at the moment as well
