Question:
So I was looking around on the net, trying to find more stuff about the Japanese culture when I noticed that Japanese people think it's very important not to bring any shame on yourself or your family (or the company you work at or your school etc.) Anyway now I was wondering if that's really true. Is there really very much pressure on being a 'great kid' or a 'very good employee'?
Here in the Netherlands the kids are very independent and sure sometimes we think: hmm maybe I can better not do that, my parents wouldn't be happy with it. But that's normal right? But it's not like I think about everything I do. Sometimes I ditch class, or bring trouble to my parents. I think it's normal (alright maybe not the ditch part ;)) Parents should be troubled with their children right? It's the job of the parents to scold a kid and guide her/him.
So why do I get the feeling that in Japan there is so much expectation of the kids? Do they really need to be perfect childeren and is it really a big thing if they do something that brings the parents trouble?
I know some troublesome kids here (drugs, ditching school, fights at home...) but the parents aren't worried about the pride of the family. They're worried about their kid and do everything to get him/she back on track again!
So what does this mean?
That Japanese kids don't have this support of their parrents?
Or is it true that japanese kids just don't get in trouble so much?
Is it taboo to ditch class and stuff like that?
So does that mean that the japanese kids are really good and honest?
That can't be true right??
Another question:
Is it also true that the kids aren't allowed to disturbe the class, or put any shame on it?
It may seem as a weird question but I also noticed that Japanese classes are very big. Someone said that it was because the japanese students wouldn't dare to disturbe the class or put the rest of the class at a disadvenge. But that seems so unrealistic! Every kid has his rebel state right? Every kid needs to be scolded sometimes! Every kid sometimes does something stupid! And every class has someone in it that can be seen as the 'problem kid you wouldn't dare to pick a fight with and who would play pranks on the teachers and so disturbe the class'
It can't be true that all those Japanese studens are so good... right?
Answer:
You have stumbled upon a lovely example of the difference between ideals and reality in culture. As I understand it the ideal would be for a child to be well-behaved, a good and hard-working student who doesn't bring shame on themselves of their family, doesn't disrupt class, etc. And there are many wonderful, well-behaved kids in Japan who do in fact behave like that and live up to the ideal. But there are plenty of kids who don't behave, who disrupt class, who aren't such great students, and so on. These two things aren't contradictory. I'm sure if you think about it you can come up with plenty of examples in your own culture about how things are "supposed to" be or the way people would ideally like things to be that aren't actually that way. For example, the traditional ideal family in the USA is supposed to be mom, dad, 2 kids, and a dog, but the reality is that there are TONS of families out there that don't even come close to conforming to that ideal -- and the ideal itself is beginning to change.
