Saturday, June 18, 2011

How should I respond to this compliment?

Question:


A Japanese person wrote this to me:

あなたは翻訳家、中でも文学を深く研究する方面への素質(発想、

洞察力、分析力…)をお持ちなのではないかと感じます。
私を含め­多くの人のようにただ聞き流すだけでなく、意味を見出そうとする­
ところがです。
なかなか私など、堅い頭では出てこない、新しい着­眼点です。

I understand that you're supposed to deny compliments in Japanese culture. However I also know that sometimes people respond to compliments with ありがとう. This also does not seem like one of those random types of compliments that you just deny. It's long and well thought out and I agree with what it says. I don't think I can simply deny it. How should I respond to this?

Answer:


I'd say it depends on your relationship with the person. "A Japanese person" is not enough--friend, customer, boss, in-law, teacher, student, what?

You agree. Fair enough. Then follow your hunch and reply accordingly. That is what he is praising you for, right? But the guy goes out of his way to say "watashi no you ni" a few times, so maybe you may at least want to do something about that. "That's right, you could never hope to be as insightful as me." is a little harsh. Depending on your relationship with the guy, if he/she is your boss, or your client, or your teacher, I would agree, and say that yes, thanks, I have this talent. But counter with something the boss has-- like if you are right brained, an ideas man, praise this person for being left-brained: pragmatic, punctual, or something. Not overly, but don't let the guy beat himself up while praising you. Deftly praise in a sincere way. Like he did for you. And accept your praise. If you cannot accept your praise, it makes you seem childish. Especially if you are not Japanese.

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