Help a fellow japanese with some advice on his lost identity?

Question:

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who posted something like this but I'll do it anyway. I was born of a Japanese mother and a Greek Father. Born and lived in the US all my life, my father died when I was of an early age and until now my mother hasn't gotten over it. My mother was "a branch from a broken tree" so to speak. Meaning she really didn't have any family as most either died or are indefinitely separated. Lived with her grandfather and he died. She forgot japanese herself as well.

As you expect, when my father fell in love with her; his side of the family shunned and disowned him. As I grew up, parents mainly spoke english.

I learned japanese as a young boy, about the age of 3-5. Ever since I hit 7, I completely forgot everything. I swear I tried to AT LEAST immerse myself to see what happens. Whenever I watch a show in japanese or hear japanese music; I usually:

A) Have no lick of sense on what they're saying

B) And I cannot keep up with what they say. They things so fast in japanese (espicially in songs, even in the kind of slow-dance type of songs.) Which ends me to completely fumble by repeating after them (sadly ends in me just babbling gibberish)

I don't look white nor asian. It's weird as whenever I go to a european or western country, they either can't tell what I am; or deduce that I'm some intermixed asian with multiple roots

When I hang out with asians, especially Japanese, they tell me I don't look QUITE asian but somewhere off of it. I feel like an outcast as a result and if you ask me personally, I really do tend to gravitate heavily to my Japanese identity. That, and I personally prefer japanese girls over anyone else. Funny story actually is that one time when I was in highschool; I had this friend who was a japanese girl. Met her in chem class and kinda flirted with her about her being intelligent and cute, which she really was.

It did hit me hard though when she responded that I'd have to know japanese, which she knows I have trouble even hearing. Met her father once, not for a date, but rather group study for a midterm. I really, REALLY felt ashamed and had my head down all the time. She eventually moved to japan 3 months before the end of the year, but whatever

My question to all of you is, how do I learn japanese and tie myself with my identity again. Like I said, I have major trouble immersing myself. I can't even keep up and honestly haven't took any formal japanese classes (University doesn't offer it). What makes me different from a non-jap? I completely feel like I'm intruding on space that is rightfully mine even though I'm not familiar with the language at all.

I'm 19, and just finished my first year of college. Thank you all who took the time to read and respond in advance.


P.S.: I posted this in the foreign language section, no one responded twice now...

Answer:

Your race or culture doesn't have to define you if you don't want it to.
That's what you are, not who you are.

And when learning Japanese you should try to forget English and not compare the two, because although Japanese is fairly simple it is vastly different.

Try playing games to help you learn Japanese. They make games for Nintendo DS and such that teach it.

I would not recommend computer programs like the Rosetta Stone one, because they are expensive and a lot of work.

If you have friends that speak Japanese try to incorporate it into casual conversation here and there to help you get used to speaking it.